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    HomeUncategorizedNo Shouting and No Silence: How to Give Proper Feedback

    No Shouting and No Silence: How to Give Proper Feedback

    Changing your third hairdresser, but still dissatisfied with the haircut and agonizing because the tutor makes you cram? In most cases, the problem can be discussed with a specialist and a solution can be found. Let’s find out how to do it right.

    Make Sure You Are Expected to Give Feedback

    Any feedback can easily turn into unsolicited advice. That’s why it’s important to get permission and to know that the person is ready to hear feedback.

    Feedback should be given in a rapport, that is, when there is trusting contact between people and it’s assumed that discussion of something is possible. Such contact, for example, exists between a coach and an athlete. There are also people whose position implies that they can come and give feedback on the work of their employees or the institution as a whole: heads of hairdressing salons, restaurants, hotel managers.

    If you leave a comment under a picture of a stranger on the Internet that he needs to lose weight, you are simply violating his boundaries. It’s worth remembering about them, even if the situation when you want to speak out, arose in a friendly relationship. Imagine that your friend has a red hat, in which he is perfectly happy. You think that it not only doesn’t suit him, but it’s because of her all his first dates are disrupted. Or you are sure that your friend isn’t yet good at poker, so he should train a bit before live stream betting at Vave or taking part in tournaments. If you want to discuss this with your friend, proceed according to the scheme:

    1. Consider whether your feedback will really help fix the situation.
    2. Let your friend know that you have some thoughts about his difficulties.
    3. Find out if he wants your opinion.
    4. Wait for his agreement – it will serve as a “bridge” between you, on which your friend has chosen to “step in.”

    Don’t try to be the final truth, but emphasize that it’s only your hypothesis, which can be investigated, discussed.

    Start With the Good

    Most often, the desire to give feedback arises if there are comments on the work of a specialist. It’s our way of thinking that we pay more attention to the negative than to the positive. But it isn’t so easy to criticize a person. Many are afraid to hurt or offend the interlocutor. Psychologists advise: to soften your feedback, use the “sandwich principle”.

    First, say something good about the work done. Then talk about what you didn’t like. And finish with general good words. It is desirable to make it so that there are more pluses than minuses. If we say only negative things, the person usually wants to reject criticism. But it’s important for us to make him think instead of defending himself.

    Assembling the “sandwich”, try to make the minuses and pluses in the first two “layers” as concrete as possible. For example, if you are dissatisfied with the work of a hairdresser, it is better to begin not with “you’re a great specialist,” but with “you did a great job to pick up the shade for dyeing. Then do not limit yourself to a vague “I did not like it,” but to explain: “I did not like that the color is uneven. And the final “layer” – “you have a lot of experience, maybe you can suggest a solution to the problem?”

    Some psychologists believe that the “sandwich principle” has many disadvantages. And the main one is that it’s easy to go overboard with compliments. As a result, the person will hear what he or she wants and never get to the negative point. However, if the specialist doesn’t notice the criticism in this form, then he won’t pay attention to the remark said directly. Perhaps he isn’t ready to receive feedback at all.

    Speak for Yourself

    When criticizing the interlocutor, it’s better to use a “me-sentence” and share your personal experience: “It worked for me / didn’t work for me, I liked it / didn’t like it.” And also give the pluses and minuses that you encountered in your work with the specialist.

    For example, in relation to the tutor with whom you work, a phrase like “I feel that your method for me isn’t the most effective. I notice that I often lose concentration and get distracted” will sound more objectively than “Your method doesn’t work.”

    This ensures that you don’t take an accusatory stance, but rather focus on the tasks that are worth working through. As a result, instead of a defensive reaction you get a concrete solution to your problem.

    Criticize Actions, Not Personality

    Don’t call a person stupid if he didn’t understand a task, or greedy if he didn’t share something – this is advice often given by child psychologists. After all, one mistake does not prove that a person is incapable of anything. But what was said in the heart will be remembered for a long time and will deprive the child of self-confidence. The same can be transferred to adult, working relationships.

    Feedback should be given not about the person, but about his specific action. And it’s better to choose expressions with a verb in the past tense. Not “you’re terrible at writing,” but “your article didn’t work out today.” This takes away the feeling that the person does something bad all the time, and sets him or her up to avoid a particular mistake in the future.

    Along with the criticism, one can try to find ways to solve the problem. In the example with the article, discuss with the person what issues to cover, how to change the text in structure. This will be much more useful than general phrases, as it will give your interlocutor the opportunity to become better.

    Choose a Comfortable Way

    Even when faced with a negative situation, not all people are willing to talk openly about it. Some people prefer to keep silent: to eat bad soup in a restaurant, and to answer the waiter’s question that everything was fine. But it’s possible to find an appropriate way to give feedback, even if you are afraid of open confrontation.

    The prohibition on speaking out is ingrained in many people since childhood. And it’s not so easy to overcome it. But the first step can be taken by asking yourself a question. If I were a barber, would I want to know that I dyed a person’s hair the wrong color? If the answer is yes, but you still don’t feel comfortable giving your opinion, you should look for an appropriate form of feedback: don’t say the comments to the professional in person, but write them.

    Next, understand the purpose of your feedback. This will determine whether it’s worth giving it publicly or whether it’s still better to discuss the problem with the specialist face-to-face.

    The model “praise in public and scold in private” is the most universal. But it’s better to consider the specifics of the situation. If your goal is to help other people avoid the negative consequences that you yourself encountered, then the feedback should be public. If you are not satisfied, if you cannot name specific mistakes in the specialist’s actions and just want to share your subjective impression, it’s better to talk to the specialist directly.

    Allow Yourself to Cool Down

    Emotions can get in the way of staying constructive – and can even lead to mutual aggression. To convey your thoughts clearly and concisely, you should first calm down. Say, “I need some time to express my opinion because right now I am irritated / offended / confused.” And use the pause in the conversation to wash your face, go for a walk, or translate the aggression into some physical actions: tearing up paper, stomping, actively breathing.

    The same rule applies if you decide to leave feedback in writing. After all, in the partial anonymity that the Internet creates for us, it’s especially easy to get personal.

    Take the time to think through the situation, gather as much information as possible and back up your point of view with facts. Then you will have constructive criticism, which will be useful to both the specialist and his potential clients. You don’t have to suppress emotions – just don’t send the feedback immediately, and let it “rest” at least overnight. You may notice in the morning that some wording was unnecessarily harsh, categorical, or vague

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